TOTALLY PERSONAL!!!!!! BUT WELL NEEDED!!!

This is more or less a journal entry for me. I know that people will read this and really I don't care, because some of you that will read this are truly some of my favorite people. So i am not embarressed to share this post at all....This year has been one of heartache, pain and honestly so LONG. I know that the Lord does not give us things that we can not handle, but I just wanted a break. Does anyone else feel that way? Our break came on christmas night. Jason got a job...finally. It has been a long process, one of which i never hope we have to go through again. He will be working at Telos. It is a residential center for boys. He was already there doing art therapy, but now he is going to be a mentor. He is a perfect fit for their company and I know he will be able to help render these kids in the right direction. I think the biggest thing I have learned in this process is that even if you get a right answer in your prayers, it is ok to have bad things happen along the way. We prayed long and hard about our decision to build a house this year, but I could have never anticipated the outcome of having a husband lose his job two months after moving into it, and having another house not sell.....and then going three months without a steady income. Im so grateful for my job though. I do know the Lord saw fit for me to come back to work, and honestly now i know why.This year we also lost my grandma. She was an amazing woman, that i can only hope to be half as great as she is. I can't wait to see her again. Although we are still "stuggling" as you could say, i finally feel that we are getting back on track. Not only with finances, job security, but most importantly my MARRIAGE. When you are being tried and tested in ways you never thought possible, there is only a handful of people that you can rely on....The Lord, Jesus Christ, your spouse, and family. My marriage is awesome don't get me wrong, but i think that in this time in my life and in the past few months we have had to become stronger as a couple and a family for little boston. It is so easy to say things like "what if, " or "why me, " but honestly why not me. Some of my friends are suffering in there own way, so what makes me any better then they, that i don't have to have trials or hardships... I guess the reason i have felt bad is because our process has been so long. Im ready to "get back" to the REAL val. Im ready to give service to those around me. Im ready to look past my flaws and remember to see myself as though Christ sees me. Im ready to lose weight...lol. Im ready to be a MOM and help Boston to become the person that he wants to become. I guess in a nutshell all im really wanting to say is 2009 i know will be a great year. I would never take back the things i have gone through, because now i feel like i can accomplish anything at this point. I know the Lord loves me, and has molded me into the person he wants me to become. I really do LOVE my life. I love my husband and the things that he teaches me. Boston too!! He is my little Rock. I hope that this new year brings much joy to all of you. Thanks for reading......